Time : 2021-08-23 16:57:52
Điểm: 7/10
Dear Mary Jones,
I am happy to know that you are satisfied with my assistance in order to make your new flower shop ready to open.
I know that you have been putting all of your effort and investment into this shop so I tried my best to support you as much as I can. Thus, we worked so hard day and night in the past few months so that your shop can open on time. I am glad to hear that you like the color and decorating choices that I chose and designed very carefully for your shop. I hope that your customers will be impressed and like them too.
Moreover, I understood little about software programs. Therefore, I would give you the advice to choose the suitable one. It will help you manage the shop easier and save your time.
We are close friends and I really hope that your business will succeed in the future. Therefore, I feel very happy when I can help you and I am also looking forward to continuing to work with you.
Anyway, my aunt’s birthday is on 3rd September. Therefore I would like you to send a bouquet of red roses to her place on that day. Her address is number 123, ABC street, Ha Dong district. Please send me my bill by my email.
Best wishes,
Ms.Lee

Nhận xét của giáo viên :

Dear Mary Jones,
I am happy to know that you are satisfied with my assistance in order to make your new flower shop ready to open.
I know that you have been putting all of your effort and investment into this shop so I tried my best to support you as much as I can could (tương quan thì khi viết so sánh). Thus, we I (bạn dùng ngôi thứ nhất số ít, chỉ riêng bạn thôi) worked so hard day and night in the past few months so that your shop can could (tương quan thì khi dùng mệnh đề chỉ mục đích) open on time. I am glad to hear that you like the color and decorating choices that I chose and designed very carefully for your shop. I hope that your customers will be impressed and like them too.
Moreover, I understood little about software programs nguyên nhân chưa thuyết phục với kết quả, bạn nên viết ý: bạn nhận thấy phần mềm này rất được ưa chuộng và hữu ích đối với các cửa hàng trong quá trình bạn làm việc với họ. Therefore, I would give you the advice to choose the suitable one. It will help you manage the shop easier and save your time.
We are close friends and không có thông tin về quan hệ này trong thư đề bài I really hope that your business will succeed in the future. Therefore, I feel very happy when I can help you and I am also looking forward to continuing to work with you.
Bạn có thể thêm ý để mừng khai trương cửa hàng của bạn thì sẽ hay hơn Anyway, my aunt’s birthday is on 3rd September. Therefore I would like you to send a bouquet of red roses to her place on that day. Her address is number 123, ABC street, Ha Dong district. Please send me my bill by my email.
Best wishes dùng văn phong formal nhé,
Ms.Lee

Bạn viết bài khá ổn ở cách triển khai ý, cách phản hồi. Tuy nhiên, nên lưu ý mối quan hệ của người viết, người nhận để viết đúng văn phong thư cũng như chú ý ngữ pháp ở 1 số câu để bài viết hoàn thiện hơn nhé.

Điểm: 7.5